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The process of failing but not.

  • Nov. 22nd, 2008 at 12:43 PM
Joshua and Neku's Punch OUT!
[info]kohakutenshi
So originally I joined NaNo to write a novel in a month because I feel like I need to leave something behind as a legacy since I can't have children, and because I figured I could do it. I have no life, right? I had plenty of time to do some writing. Heck, I write everyday with friends and in fanfics. Obviously, I can do 2000 words a day.

I have only gotten 8,675. I haven't worked on my NaNo in a week, and though I know I failed I don't feel like it. I have won something much more important than a word count contest. I have discovered how much of a life I do have. How much people do need me. How much good I do on a daily basis.

By thinking, 'I need to be writing', I have analysed every aspect of free time in my life. Yes, I still have times when I goof off. I still have moments when I simply am too exhausted to sit up and yet instead of writing I'm doing things like writing with friends, shopping for Christmas, putting presents together, putting cards together, selling items online to help pay for said presents and cards, giving to charity, helping people with their work, and just generally being there. I am in the most pleasureable of servitude to humanity. I am happy. I am giving constantly and thinking about others constantly. I am leaving behind something much more important than a simple book. I am leaving behind a gentle spirit and a kindness that will continue through others. So what if there is no name to it? So what that no one will know why one person is doing something because the person who inspired them was someone who did a random, nameless, nice thing?

I have failed, yes, but I have also won. I have learned that I am more important than needing to leave a book behind to gather dust. Kindness is always in motion, and will never gather dust.

And for that, I am proud to have failed.

I will still work on my book with the write first, edit last philosophy, but I will take my time.

Comments

( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
[info]stellamaris wrote:
Nov. 23rd, 2008 02:00 pm (UTC)
Well it's not like people who do finish are less important D:
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[info]kohakutenshi wrote:
Nov. 23rd, 2008 02:02 pm (UTC)
Oh, no, I didn't intend it like that. I meant for myself I was doing it for a false sense of importance. Like it was the only thing that would make me so.
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[info]nikkisilver wrote:
Nov. 23rd, 2008 02:19 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry you can't have kids but I'm going to adopt and I think it would be great if you considered it, too. After all, there are tons of wonderful kids who *need* you and they could be your legacy, too.

Just a suggestion.

Also, I'm glad you tried NaNo and I hope you will try it again next year.
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[info]kohakutenshi wrote:
Nov. 23rd, 2008 07:05 pm (UTC)
I would adopt if I was married, but since I have issues with guys I just never plan on marrying. :3 But yeah, adopting would be my first choice.
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[info]jackwabbit wrote:
Nov. 23rd, 2008 04:23 pm (UTC)
This is one of the best NaNo posts i've seen. I won a while ago, but that is neither here nor there. What I like about this post is the perspective. We all do this for different reasons, and we all have other lives to lead. Some of us get to 50k, and some of us don't. But hopefully we all learn something about ourselves along the way. That is what counts. So, take a bow and raise your chin, because it sounds like you did.

I don't believe in the too-cliché 'everyone wins' philosophy, but I strongly believe we learn a lot from defeat, and from what I can tell, you've learned something real and valuable.

Well done.
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[info]kohakutenshi wrote:
Nov. 23rd, 2008 07:07 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! This makes me feel really good~! ♥
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[info]jackwabbit wrote:
Nov. 23rd, 2008 08:10 pm (UTC)
You are quite welcome. And always remember that kindness is a strength. *bows head in a respectful nod*
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[info]dunedain_minx wrote:
Nov. 23rd, 2008 06:10 pm (UTC)
What a beautiful post. Thank you; as I'm pretty much in the same boat - and with less words, hence my just glossing over these posts and never participating as I fell way behind after the first week!
So yes, to prove your thought - you have inspired me to continue on. And I thank you.
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[info]kohakutenshi wrote:
Nov. 23rd, 2008 07:08 pm (UTC)
I am blushing now, so thank you back~! XD
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[info]tamasha420 wrote:
Nov. 23rd, 2008 07:24 pm (UTC)
You are an inspiration. Thank you.
I have the same kind of feeling for NaNoWriMo. If you can win, awesome. If you can't- well, the experience is instructive and will make you win in a different way.
Me: barely broke 10K, but it's 10K that's polished and perfect in my eyes, and it's yielded so much fodder for the rest of the book. And I think the book will take more like a year to complete, but if I get published at the end of it, I'll be free from pre-med and med school and all things medical, forever. I've never wanted to be a doctor, but at the moment I don't have a choice. This will change if I get published.
Anyway. Point being: you have the best perspective on this I've seen so far.
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[info]kohakutenshi wrote:
Nov. 23rd, 2008 07:39 pm (UTC)
Oh, goodness, thank you~!
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[info]monk3ymagick wrote:
Nov. 23rd, 2008 09:04 pm (UTC)
Yes, the fact that you attempted NaNo already makes you a hero. NaNo shouldn't be at the top of your priority list if there are more important things to attend to. Great if you can make time, but not an ultimate failure if you can't. I also feel that you've only truly failed if you give up. And there are many different kinds of "wins," too, as you mentioned, and they don't all involve hitting the 50k. For some, like me, it is painfully difficult to continue a plotline that I've already deemed useless (but how can you say that when you haven't attempted to write it out), so a few thousand words was already amazing for me. NaNo is about realizing how far you can go. I've learned that in my own experience; 2008 is my fifth attempt, and where I've given up all previous four years, I'm pushing on this time.

Anywayy, my uber skill at digressing... haha. I hope that was somewhat relevant to what you said. o_O You also have a great perspective on NaNo in that it will benefit the community as well as yourself. =] Thanks for your thoughtful post. Happy writing!
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( 12 comments — Leave a comment )